Trying to see the light!!!

I am having a very stressful time right now and it's really hard not to be so negative. I am very stressed out lately cause I am having a very difficult time being able to keep my house clean, it tends to fall apart so easily. I am having all day sickness anymore, it use to just be night time, but the last few weeks it's progressed into all day. Food is not appealing at all and lately my diet has been roman noodles, that's it. I try and eat anything else and I get a very upset stomach. Water is about all I can drink too, once in a while a sprite. Any kind of juice gives me a nasty heart burn and I am not able to have any kind of dairy when I am prego, makes me soooo sick!
On top of this I have started to already have really bad braxton hecks contractions and severe round ligament pain, along with some back pain too. This pregnancy is literally kicking my butt!
I also have sick boy at the moment who has a pretty bad cold (again) and it caused him to throw up during the night. Iolly always gets colds and they hit him during the night. So lack of sleep with all of this is wearing me down even more. So physically I am exhausted any more.
Emotionally I am draining too. My Grandpa Williams is not doing so well and the family has decided to leave him with hospice care. I totally agree with this decision, but at the same time it is so hard. I love my Grandpa so much and will miss him. They do not think he will last much longer, if we are lucky, he will get to spend one last Holiday with us, I hope so.
I then also found out that a friend I went to high school with commited suicide and her family discovered her body yesterday. My heart aches for them and reminds me of last year, my cousin had an accidental overdose the week before Thanksgiving, she left behind 5 kids. So this holiday has been hard the last 2 years.
I've also been struggling with a dilemma on staying in the nursery at church or asking to be released. I have always dreamed of working in the nursery and now I am finally there! But the timing is just so wrong! Iolly is in there with me and he gives me a lot of problems. He doesn't want me to do anything with any of the other kiddoes, wants me to hold him even though I can't, doesn't listen to anyone and climbs all over me if I sit down. He is super naughty when I am in there with him. The last time I was in there he climbed on my back during lesson time and he hurt my back pretty bad.
Doing the activities with the kiddoes is hard too though. With feeling sick and my tummy hurting it's pretty rough. You have to be active when you have about 14 kiddoes under 3. I find it easy to make an excuse not to go to church rather than going cause I am starting to "dread" going there.
With that being said, I am going to be going to my bishop and let him know what is going on. He is also my dr, so maybe I will tell him at my next appointment, which ever comes first. This will be very hard for me, but I also feel it's the right thing to do.
So with all of this negativity written down, perhaps I can try and come up with some positive ones and see if that will help me out any. Instead of dwelling just on the negatives, I can start seeing the positives too, maybe that'll boost my mood, that's the idea anyways!

HAPPY THOUGHTS:

I am excited to help Ezra's class out with their Thanksgiving lunch buffet. They are doing finger foods and I signed up to do fun little turkey sandwiches (they will actually look like little turkeys). Chet has agreed to help out with it this weekend, I need to prep enough to make 100 mini ones. I have found a new love with being crafty with food!

I am soooo excited to be adding another member to this family, we just can't wait till he/she gets here!!!

It's Christmas season, my most favorite time of the year. I am hoping that I budgeted enough to be able to help 3 other kids with Christmas this year. I have made it a goal to try and help at least one since I can remember. Last year I actually helped my sister out, she was having some difficulties and I had the money. So it made it a little bit more special when it was someone I knew. This year things look good for her, so I am hoping to be able pick 3 kids out this year and have my kids help pick the stuff out for them. I've been talking to them and preparing them for it. We have a limit on what we get them for Christmas just for this reason. I am hoping that they will learn to give more than wanting. I also have them take turns shopping for the Toys for Tots boxes. I also can't wait till they get the bell ringers out and start collecting donations to help other families out. This is the one time of the year I always carry cash on me, just so I can give them my change when I leave, that has always been a favorite part of Christmas time for me since I was little!

Of course since it's Christmas time that means snow should be coming around the corner soon! I just love snow!!! I miss being in Rexburg cause Pocatello doesn't get enough of it.

I also love the magic of Santa and sharing it with my kids!! This season is just so magical to me!!!

I love my kiddoes, they mean everything to me! I love how big Ezzy is getting and what a great helper she is! Cian loves to do things to please me and hates seeing me sick, still very much a momma's boy! And Iolly is getting so big too, and even though he is a huge Daddy's boy, he prefers me when he is sick. I don't know why, but that comforts me. ;)

I love being the one taking care of my nieces and nephews, I really do love my job! They have a lot of fun being able to play with each other and are such great friends. I am so glad they get to bond like this and I hope that as they get older they will stay close.

I really do like having a clean house and I miss it. Maybe instead of focusing on the whole thing, I should focus on a small part and do a little bit at a time. Sometimes when I think about cleaning I get too caught up with thinking it all has to get done. So I should just start small and go from there, that sounds like a good plan.

My birthday is coming up next month!!! I might be getting older, but I still love celebrating it!!! I am hoping that Chet let's me find a senior or two to buy Christmas presents for this year, that is what I want to do for my birthday. He can still take me out for dinner, but the best gift would be letting me give to someone else, I really enjoy doing stuff like that.

After Thanksgiving every year I paint my Grandma's window and the last 2 years Ezzy has done her own too. I am so excited to do it again this year, it will be a very simple one I think, but it'll still be fun! This has been a tradition since I was probably about 10 or so, can't remember when I started. But I do remember that I started it with my big sister Jennifer. She always had the more crazy and fun ideas to do, I miss that.

Well, I think this is helping out a lot, I am actually starting to feel a bit better and wanted do things, even if it's just accomplishing something small. As much as I am dreading a part of this season, I am really looking forward to it too!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!

Cian Turned 5 Today!!!

My little Cian turned 5 today, I can't believe it! He is such a great little boy to have, always helping me out and always telling me such sweet things. He asks every day still if he can marry me, and he's always giving me kisses and calling me his girlfriend. Lately he has started every morning with "Mommy I like you, I will be a good boy for you forever!" He doesn't like to disappoint me, he always wants me to be happy. I just love this little boy, I am so blessed to have him!!!


This morning when he woke up I sang happy birthday to him and the first thing he said was "What number am I now mom?". I was like, "Do you mean how old you are now? You are now 5 silly boy!" He laughed and then stated what a big boy he was now, he's so happy to be 5, almost as big as his sissy!
Then as he was eating his breakfast he gave me his birthday list. I couldn't believe it, he's the first one to do that. Not even Ezzy has done this yet. Here it is:

1. Iron Man movie #2
2. Iron Man toy (he was pretty descriptive with that one, so I'm thinking he has one in particular he wants)
3. Toy Story movie
4. Pokemon Movie

hmmmm......looks like I have a movie addict here lol


It's kind of cool though cause I found a Pokemon movie on ebay for a really good price and it arrived today, just in time for his birthday, he has recently discovered Pokemon and loves them. It's kind of funny cause I was a huge Pokemon fan and had a huge collection of them, I only wish I still had it to give to him, he would be in heaven! haha

I happened to have some frozen cake in the freezer from when I was practicing my sister's wedding cake, so I got it out and carved a quick Iron Man face on it. Made some yummy peanut butter frosting and decorated it. For a 10 minute job it turned out rather well and Cian loved it!!! I was so happy that he did cause honestly it was very last minute, I was not planning on doing one. But I overheard him a couple of times tell people that I was making him an Iron Man cake, I couldn't let him down. I only wish that I knew were my camera was, I would have taken pictures of it, even though it wasn't the best work ever. He loved it and that's all that counts!!!



I am so happy to have you Cian, I love you so very much!!! Every day you know how to make me smile and laugh. You watch out for Mommy and love to help out when ever you can, you are such a good boy!!! I am so proud of you everyday. You have turned into such a wonderful boy and take good care of your Mommy and little brother. Iolly adores you and I love that you include him with your play. You're such a big help anymore. I'm glad you're still Mommy's boy and love to cuddle with me, I hope you don't grow out of that too soon. I love you my big boy!!!

Yes!!! It's finally happening! :)

It's official, we heard and saw a heart beat and am expecting baby #4!!! We are so very excited for this to finally to be happening! Everyone so far is in agreeance to having another girl, but that just means we will have another boy if we hope too hard!!! So I am trying to stay neutral and say it doesn't matter as long as we have this one and it's healthy!
When asked by relatives or me, this is my kiddoes answers to what they want to have:

Ezra (6)--"A sister, no more brothers for me!" uh, what will she do if she does have another brother??? I did ask her that, this is what she said "I will help you mom, even if I'm sad about that." LOL

Cian (nearly 5, 6 more days people!)--"I just want what will make my mommy happy!"
what a sweet heart, nearly made me cry when I heard!

Iollan (3)-- "a girl." Why, "cause Cian and me two brudders. Ezzy and baby two sissers." lol I love his logic and agree with that one!!! :)


We are only 7 weeks along, so we have a long ways to go. Looks like it's going to be a mid May baby, this will be my first winter pregnancy, so I am looking forward to this, the summer kills me!
Hopefully all goes well with this one, the chances are a lot slimmer now that we have a heart beat and I feel really good about this one too. The last one I was not sick at all and just had a real bad feeling about it the whole time. But I am sick with this one and I love that!!! Being sick is a good sign for me, one I look forward to.
So here is to my sickness and good health that comes with it! lol

*Thanks everyone for you thoughts and prayers, I appreciate it so very much!!!

My Kids

This is some more about my children. I am just so happy to have each and everyone of them in my life. Just this morning I was looking at my little Iolly sleeping, so peacefully moaning his little moans along with his cute little sighs. I cannot imagine life without him. It made me remember when I first found out that I was having another little boy instead of a girl, how I cried and was so worried about having another boy, I thought that all boys would be like my Cian, my monster boy. But they are not, every child is different and that is what he taught me. He has always been very mild with his behaviour, so sweet and kind. He his both a momma's and dadda's boy. He is my cuddle bug every morning and I just love his smiles that he gives and his "Good morning Momma!". He started to have a slight speech problem like his sister did, but because we picked up on it sooner, we have been able to correct it. He talks very well and is favorite phrase when he wants something is"I never, ever, EVER got that before." It's so cute when he says it, he always squeaks with it too. Cian has tried this, but it just doesn't work with an older child, but I give him an A for effort. lol Iollan is growing up so much faster than the others and that makes me sad, he is my baby boy, can't he stay like that just a bit longer??? He is fully potty trained and surprisingly might be getting ready to stop using the diapers at night too, he has gone almost a week without any wet diapers at night, so I'm thinking that another 2 weeks of that and we will try diaper free at nights, that will be nice! He will be the youngest one of the three to go diaperless so young. Ezzy was out at 5 and Cian, well he still wears them, but that's ok. :)
Iollan has decided lately to be very vocal about who does or doesn't like anymore. We have a new little girl that I have started watching and when it was his turn to serve out the food, he refused to serve her because he didn't like her. That was the first time he had ever done that. I'm sure it was all because he just didn't know her, kind of funny though.

My monster boy Cian. I love him for who he is. And to be totally honest, he is turning into the sweetest little boy ever. He is the most helpful child I have, if I ask him to do something, he does it. No questions asked, he does it right then and there too. He is also very helpful with the other kids, he wants to be everyone's friend. He is always the first one to let me know when one of them is sad, he doesn't like to see anyone sad and tries to make them happy by doing silly things. He has also learned to be a good sport,he starts races, but he makes sure that everyone included is having fun, even if that means he looses. He has made me cry many times because of how proud I am of him.
He loves animals too! He is so cute about it, when we went camping one time my sister brought her pug. Whenever Cian thought that he (the pug) was lonely, he would go over and just sit there and hold him. He did that several times and for quite a while too. He just doesn't like to see anyone or anything sad and I love that about him, it shows how caring he is.
He has come along ways, he was and still sometimes is a difficult child. But I love what he is becoming and I know that through his difficulties that that is why he is who he is today. He is very high spirited and we both have to learn how to control it. I love my monster boy very much, wouldn't trade him for anything!!!

Ezra is getting so big and id drives me crazy how big she is. She still loves going to school and wakes up every morning ready to go. She is such a chatter box! We are always getting after her to quiet down cause the boys are still sleeping. She's just so excited to go to school again. We have her take cold lunches to school and she loves it when I use cookie cutters on them and finding little notes saying "I love you" inside. She has asked to purchase cold milk at school, that right there shows me how big she's getting and how independent she is and that makes me happy. Then this morning she asked if she could maybe have hot lunch instead, so I gave her some money to do so. We decided that we will look at the school menu and she can choose the days she want hot lunch and then cold lunches on the rest.
She seems to be doing pretty good with school right now and keeping up with everyone. She loves spelling, learning to read, and doing homework. She asks me daily for homework, most of the time I have to make it up for her cause she doesn't bring any home. She is always bringing drawings home and she always writes mommy on them, cause they are for me. She is getting really good with her drawing too. I love that she loves school I really hope that she continues to have that attitude and I hope that with our encouragement she will continue to do so. She is also excited cause she is looking forward to signing up for basketball. They sent home fliers and she asked if she could play. So I had her decide, bowling or basketball this year and she chose basketball. I'm so glad that she is into sports, hopefully she enjoys learning about basketball and has fun with it.

These are my kiddoes and I love them very much!!!

The reason behind this post is because I watched a movie last night and it just made me think. I watched "The boy in the striped pajamas". This is the second time I watched it, Chet bought it last night and so we watched it together. The whole story makes me mad and sad. The little boy in it though, Bruno, just reminds me so much of Cian. He is an explorer and loves to have a friend, no matter who they are. He was willing to look for the good when everyone else was saying there was none to be found. And then the horror of the mother realizing what happened, I cannot imagine going through that. Fighting so hard to get your children away from this nightmare you are in and that last minute to lose one. The father, well I'm not sure what to think about him. I really just don't even want to go there, he is one that ticks me off, just so wrong what he supported. But they brainwashed everyone, the stuff they were teaching to the children and at such young ages too, ugh!
Ok, ok, I am through with that because that just makes my blood boil, you can ask Chet, I was mad after the movie ended. Anyways, it made me think of my children and how I am so blessed to have them, I cannot imagine losing them.

I love you 3 with all my heart!!! :)

My Dearest Chet!!!!

I haven't been feeling my best lately and Chet has been so wonderful going above and beyond the call of duty! He has been super busy with homework and work, but he still tries to do things to help me out, I love him much!
Tonight I went to my mom's to pick something up from her and when I got home he cleaned the kitchen completely and was reorganizing the pantry. Then I noticed that he also washed a piece of ribbon for me. This ribbon is for my sisters wedding cake and it had gotten frosting on it when I practiced. Well I didn't get a chance to wash it and he did it. It was such a simple thing, but it really touched me so much that I cried. I am so happy to have such a wonderful hubby, he is the best! Thank you Chet for all that you do, you are amazing and I love you so much!!!

Just Random Stuff

Sorry that I have not gotten any pictures on here like I thought I would, but if I could find my camera I would have gotten it done! :)


Ezzy had her second day of school today and so far she loves school! The first thing Ezzy said today when she came home was:
"School is too much fun Mom, I just love it!"
I am so glad that she is loving school, she is now sad cause she has a 3 day weekend: "I hate summer break, why can't we go to school everyday?" Another thing I over heard her say today! haha


Cian and Iolly took a bath tonight and when they got done they decided to race. Well Cian was winning by a long shot and Iolly started to get sad. Cian noticed it and took off his shirt (the final piece of clothing to win the race) and then proceeded to pretend that he couldn't put it on, it kept getting stuck on his foot, that silly foot! lol Iolly was then able to win the race and Cian shouted out "Good job Iolly, you won!!!" Made me so proud when he did that, what a sweet heart Cian is!!!



Iolly is potty trained! Yeah!!! The only diapers in this house in for night time use only, what a relief that is. He had one accident in the last two weeks, but I will not count that one, it truly was not his fault. He had to go really bad and ran into the bathroom (we were at Grandma's house). Well stinky sissy decided that she needed to go too and ran into the bathroom as well and went before him, therefore he had an accident. I was pretty mad at her, there was no reason for that. What a turkey she was.


My dogs like to chase flies and try to eat them, it is hilarious!!! Our house has many flies in it and it drives me insane! But it sure is funny to see the animals going nuts too! If anyone has any good remedies to get rid of flies, please let me know. I leave the door open when the kiddoes go out to play, so that is why we have so many. Don't tell me to shut the door, cause that is a no-no. :)


I've already started on Ol' Hallows Eve costumes and am so excited!!! We are doing an Under the Sea Adventure theme, can't wait to show them off!!! I absolutely LOVE Halloween, my creativity just goes wild! :)


TTFY

Ezzy is 6 Today!!!

I cannot believe that my little Ezzy May is 6 today! She is getting so big, so fast! She is all ready to go to first grade, just today she told me that she really hated the summer break! lol

I would post pictures of her, but I don't have any recent ones that I want to post, so tomorrow I will. She has a new hairdo, it's so cute, but at the same time it makes her look older, so I don't like it because of that.
She loves to do chores and is a big help anymore. One of her chores is keeping the bathroom orderly, she loves it and gets mad when somebody goes in there messes it up, it's so funny! lol

She is an animal lover and has decided that all the animals are hers, the little thief! All the animals we have gotten are because I have wanted them for my birthday or Mother's day, but she has some how managed to claim them all. Our newest addition, Buddy, loves to sleep with her, he is her "Buddy"!

She still loves to wear dresses and jewelry, very girly, but is always the first one to get into the dirt and playing with bugs. She makes more friends with boys then she does girls, it's so funny. :)
She is our little princess and I cannot imagine life without her, I love her so much! I hope and pray everyday that we get to see her grow up and enjoy a family of her own, she will be a great mother one day, I know it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EZZY, WE LOVE YOU!!! :)

7 YEARS TODAY!!!

Today Chet and I celebrated 7 years together! I am so thankful for him everyday, I'm such a lucky woman to have him! He is an amazing father to our children and they love him very much!
This year Chet planned our anniversary (we switch every year, I am the even years, he is the odd ones). Anyways, he decided that we could go to The Grand Tetons and hike to Table Rock. Never being there before, I accepted the challenge. Oh boy, what a mistake that was! We hiked for 11 hours that day, I barely survived!!! I seriously cried on the way down, my feet hurt so bad, I lost track of how many times I fell (we went down the face of the mountain), it was grueling!!!
I am not a hiker, I have never really gone on one in my life! I would like to, but I need to work on it. I am so out of shape right now, but my goal is to be in better shape for next year, I would like to go again, but this time with limits. Chet was so excited for me to see Table Rock that he kept pushing, no matter how hard I pulled. We did not make it to Table Rock, but we did get up to the ridge. It nearly KILLED me though!
On the way up I saw all kinds of people pass us going up or down. There was two that stood out to me. One was a pregnant lady coming down the trail, I could not believe it! She was pregnant and enjoying the hike and here I was having a hard time with it. The second one I saw was a great grandma coming down and passing us. She was so cute! She had her hiking boots on and all decked out for the hike. She was hiking with her kids, grand kids and some great grandkids, how cool is that!!! I hope that I can change my lifestyle so that I can be that kind of great grandma, I just loved seeing her there and wished that I could have had a picture.
Oh ya, I forgot to mention the camp out. When we arrived we immediately put our tent up and then it poured on us! We ate our dinner under the huge umbrella we have and then went to bed (we arrived up there around 7/8 that night). We were getting ready to turn the lights out when we noticed that the tent had leaks in it and they were creating some pretty big puddles. Lucky for us that at the last minute I decided to grab an extra large blanket and it was perfect to soak it all up and kept it from getting on us.
Later that night I woke up and it had stopped raining so I woke Chet up to walk with me to the rest rooms and the sky was so clear! It was beautiful, I wish that I had my camera on me to take a picture of it! Chet saw two shooting stars that night, it was just breath taking. I would love to take my kids up there to stay the night, so that I could wake them up and see the stars so bright, they would just love it!
Anyways, this was our adventure this year to celebrate 7 years together. It was probably the least romantic and one I will never let him live down, but it will probably be one of the ones I remember most!
I hope and pray that we have many more years together and that we can watch our children grow. I love Chet with all my heart, even when I am angry with him and cursing him for the awful hike he took us on. :)


*I should probably mention that he did make it up to me by taking me to dinner and then to the movies, so he's not all that bad huh?? ;)

Quick Updates

Chet-working hard as usual and going to school, on top of that got a new calling and is now the ward clerk assistant for the financial part, he's excited for this new calling and I know that he will do great!

Me-still learning to keep my house cleaner and learning how to survive with little to no sleep at times. I watch kiddoes from 8:30 am to 11:30sh pm throughout the week. I have assigned chores to all 3 kiddoes and they love earning their smileys for allowances, this has helped me out tremendously!!! :)

Ezzy-getting ready to go to 1st grade, I cannot believe it! She is so excited! She loves doing her chores and earning her money and loves paying Jesus her tithing, she's so cute about it! We have started to talk to her about modest clothing and she has discovered she has modesty freckles to help her out. She earned some stars (a chart for behavior) and gets to have her hair highlighted for school, when she earned them she told me she was going blond! lol I had to explain to her what she could get, silly girl!


Cian-we have discovered that he can write with both hands and very well too! He loves telling stories and is very imaginative! His favorite subject is hot lava right now, we always have to watch were we are stepping or what we are eating, red is the cool color right now! lol

Iollan-loves books and carries one around with him where ever we go. He is also very artistic for being so young! His favorite past time is drawing and I use it to encourage him to get things done. He loves to draw bugs and drew a ski boat that actually resembled one too. Too bad I had no camera on me and it was done on a magna doodle, so it didn't last long, but I did have an eye witness to it, my sister Fran, it was amazing! He is also almost done potty training, so all we have diapers is for night time use,nice huh! :)

Emotional Laundry

So I am sitting here trying to fold laundry and not getting overly emotional, I am folding maternity clothes that I am passing on to my little sister that is due in December. I have gotten over the fact that she's due, and thankfully everything is looking great for her too. However, I just found out the other night that my other little sister is due too. She is a single mommy and already having trouble raising her two girls that she does have (she can do this though, I know that). I am a little jealous of her, I would be lying if I said I wasn't. I want a baby so bad, it hurts at times. Having two miscarriages in a row is painful and it makes me scared to try again, but I will, someday. But right now we need to pay off our debt, the medical bills, they seem never ending right now.
Anyways, as I am folding the maternity clothes I just keep thinking how I should be wearing them right now and getting ready for my own addition, shouldn't I be over this already??? I just want to cry about it, I did actually and then I prayed. I prayed for help to get through this again and then for my sisters' pregnancies. I have found my peace, I have, but I guess I am just having an off day and need to vent or something, but no one is around, just my sleeping little boys and even if they weren't sleeping, they are not the ones I want to vent too. lol Blogging about my feelings have helped me out, so that's what I am doing.
Sorry to those who do not want to read this, but this my blog. :)

Chet's accident and another crazy kid day! :(

So this morning I got a call from Chet and found out that he had been in a accident with his four wheeler at work! He scared me when he was telling me about it, thinking about the possibility of what could have happened.
When he is in Blackfoot reading meters, he needs to use a four wheeler to get to most of the pumps there. I guess he had to ride the four wheeler along a canal to get to the pump he needed to read. He hit a bump and that caused him to go into the canal, instead of trying to fight it he went with it, smart decision! if he would have tried to go up the canal, he more and likely would have flipped it and gotten hurt or worse, but let's not think about that shall we.
Anyways, he got completely soaked, but nothing more than that. His phone was ruined somehow, not exactly sure if it was water damage or maybe washed away, I'll find out about that one later. Anyways, his ipod got soaked too and therefor is no longer in working condition, I will try to be sad with that one, but honestly, that thing drives me nuts!!! haha He is always on it! You now how some people are with their texting, ignoring everyone around them cause they are too busy texting, well that's my hubby on the ipod! So I will not miss that at all! I know Chet will though, so I will figure a way to replace it, not too soon though! lol
I am glad that nothing happened to him though, that was a little too close for comfort! He was pretty shaken up from it, but decided to keep working. He is such a dedicated employee, too dedicated at times, but I guess that's not such a bad thing. He was suppose to come home early today cause we had some plans, but since that happened, he won't be home early, kind of a bummer deal I think.
On top of receiving the news about Chet's accident, my kids have decided to be monsters again. I really don't know what their deal is lately, but the last three days have been horrible. They just don't think they need to listen, hopefully they can get back to their normal selves soon, I am running out of patience with them, particularly the boys. Cian waits for me to leave the room and then does something that he knows he is not suppose to do (jumping off of the couch to try and grab the string(s) from the ceiling fan, pushing or hitting his little brother or taking his toys away, etc.) While I was trying to catch him (he ran from me) to put him into time out, i managed to injure my foot too, so I was not a happy momma at the moment. He has just been on one for the last few days, I really don't know what to do with him at times. He is just a very high spirited little boy and just when I think I am getting the hang of dealing with him, something like this happens. I love him to death, but he is one little boy that is hard to raise. You know what is so weird about him though? I clash with him so much at times, yet he is the BIGGEST Momma's boy, I don't get that. Sometimes I feel like he should not like me because of all of our clashing, but I am so grateful that he can love me so much still! He is MY monster boy and I love him!
Iolly, well he is at the age of testing limits too. Today he got a prize for going poopoo in the toilet, it was a water toy. I let him have a bath so that he could play with it, well a little bit later he decided he wanted to take a bath again, I told him no. So what did he do? He went into the bathroom and used toilet water instead! YUCK!!!!!!!! Luckily Ezra saw him and I was able to get it from him before he sprayed anything or anyone with it. Crazy kid, hopefully he won't do that again.
Ezra hasn't been as bad, but her listening skills could be better. I think summer time is becoming boring and we just need school to start again, that's what I'm a thinking.
Anyways, I was telling Cassie (my sister) about my day and how my nerves were kind of shot, so she took my boys for me for a while. Ezzy wanted to stay home and be with me. So I am grateful for this little sanity break. I am hoping that I can rejuvenate myself and be in better spirits when my boys come back. I love them so very much, but I am glad they are gone right now, I so needed this break.

UGH! What a night!

Why is it that on some days the kids are great and then they have days were they don't think they need to listen to anything! Today is one of those days, and it's not just been my kids, it's been all of them! It's like contagious or something, they have literally driven me bonkers!!!
This morning it started off great. We went to the kid's tee-ball game and then came home for lunch, what sweet kids I had at the time. Then they all laid down for a nap/rest and after that, they turned into demons!!! What the heck is up with that??? Aren't they suppose to be nicer after rest/nap time? What happened here?
So tonight has not been a good night since then, every time I turn around, more bickering and craziness! I thought that when Chet got home I could have a nice break and get some sanity back, but did I? NOPE!!! My mood was contagious to him! lol
I then tried to talk to him about it, but that didn't work out either (I think I turned into a bear by then, maybe a monster is more accurate). So I ended up disappearing into the other room and just let him take over, forget it I said.
When I came back out, he was trying to cook dinner and taking care of 5 little monsters, he tried to let them play the wii in hopes of them being good, but ya, that did not work either. So that had to be put up and everyone went to time out till dinner was done, enough is enough right???
After dinner, straight to bed for the little monsters! But even in bed they are fighting, I am sitting here typing this and ignoring their cries, being a bad mommy. Where's Chet you ask??? He gets to leave and go do homework, where's my break? Oh ya, I had one when I disappeared into the room for a half hour, that's it.
On days like this I ask myself why I watch so many kiddoes and why I fantasize about having more, am I really that crazy? Ya, I am.
Thankfully these kind of days are rare, cause I really do love my kids, I really do like watching my nieces and nephews, and I really do want more kids, just not today. Today I just want to be alone and enjoy some nice, quiet time ALONE!
But that's not going to happen, so I will go check on the kids and make sure they are still alive and then pop in a movie and attempt to watch that, wish me luck! :)

Been far too long!

It has been forever since I've posted and really, there is no good excuse why. I think about it all the time, just don't get to it for one reason or another.
Chet and I are always joking about moving away from Pocatello, hopefully back to Rexburg one day. My health seems to have declined since moving here, I have allergies here, I had none the entire time I was in Rexburg. I've had pneumonia, bronchitis, sinus infections every time I turn around, and two miscarriages the two years I've been here. It's gotta be something here right???
Just this weekend I had to go to the Immediate Care twice and then to the hospital, it was no fun! The first time I went, I didn't take good x-rays cause I couldn't breath too well, so they thought that maybe I had pneumonia and treated me with that. Well Monday morning my chest started to hurt a lot more and I had even more problems with my breathing, so I had to go in again. They took other x-rays and decided to have me go to the hospital. My x-rays were good, but my lungs sounded horrible. So they sent me to the hospital to check for a blood clot, that scared me! To check for a blood clot they have to do a CT scan, that was the weirdest thing ever. They have to put an IV in you, a large one I might add, and put some sort of clear fluid into you. It was the weirdest sensation ever! You get a metallic taste in your mouth and it makes you feel wet all over, literally! It reminded me of the guy on x-men that turns into water, that's what it felt like to me. I felt like warm water was seeping through me, crazy huh?!
Anyways, the test came back negative, no blood clot!! Yeah and no pneumonia either. But I do have bronchial bronchitis, so I am getting treated for that.
I actually feel a bit better today, except for the nasty side affects from the medicine that has actually made me really sick to my stomach! And then my arms hurt a lot too, they had to poke me 3 times before getting the IV in, I seriously cried, it hurt so bad! (yes, I am a baby with needles) So I have bruises on both arms now, not fun.
That was my holiday weekend, fun stuff huh?


Here is something else that I forgot to post about and I feel really bad about it too, anyways here it is:

My little Rolly-Polly-Iolly is officially 3 now!!! His birthday was last Wednesday, I can't believe how big he is now!
* Hopefully I can do pictures soon and hopefully I can be a better blogger!

Another Conversation With Cian

Cian is just so fun to talk with and the stuff he some up with is just hilarious! I think I might start writing some of his quotes on the side of my blog for now on. I've seen it on some and I love it! So I'm going to look into that when I have more time though (this blogging set ups stuff is frustrating to me!). Anyhoos.......


Cian and I were eating breakfast together. Cian likes to put his cup near the edge of the table,no matter how many times I ask him to place it behind his bowl/plate. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: Cian, could you please move your cup behind your plate like Mommy did with hers??

Cian: Maybe you can do that right now Mom, but I cannot. My hands are too busy right now see! (as he grabs his bowl with one hand and holds his spoon out with his other!)

Me: (while trying not to laugh) Cian, let go of your bowl and please put your cup back like I asked you too.

Cian: *sigh* Ok Mom, if you say so.

Me: Thank you Cian. *muffled laugh*

Isn't he just so full of it?!? :)

The Cutest Mother's Day Gift!!!

So I got a belated gift for Mother's Day. We missed church because Chet and my little Iolly were sick that day, but last night, or maybe it was Monday night, Chet found a gift for me at the door. It is a little recipe book labeled "Mom's Best Recipes". I love it!!! They asked all the kids in primary to list their favorite recipe mom makes and how mommy makes them. What they came up with was hilarious! So I am sharing my kids' and then some of the others, cause they are just so darn cute!!! :)


Ezra's---Mac N' Cheese

Noodles, butter, cheese, and milk

Boil noodles then strain them. Mom makes it out of a blue box.
(not too bad huh) :)

Cian's--Dinosaur Fruit

Get a banana, skin it, break it, eat big piece then little piece
(I couldn't stop laughing when I read his! lol)

Some of the other kiddoes:


Corn Dogs--they come on a stick, you cook them in the microwave

Chicken--cooks it on the stove, not very spicy, add salt, you like everything you want!

Tater Tot Casserole--degrees: pre heated (that's when mom puts cookies and things in)
Ingredients: Tatet tots, probably cheese, maybe green beans but not to sure

Mom just makes whatever she wants! haha love that answer too!

Popeye Pancakes--bubbles in them, serves in pan

And last, but not least, my favorite one is:

Chicken Nuggets--From McDonald's! Daddy drinks pop! LOL That one is just too funny!

I love kids and their answers, don't you?!? :)

An amazing story I just had to share:

Excuse me Mom, but I don't like this!

Chet and I needed to get some shopping done so we took the kiddoes to Taco Bell for dinner, best cheap place to go when you've got 7 mouths to feed. I love their new cheap menus, they rock!!! Anyways, I got the 5 layered burrito for the kiddoes to share (one of those babies can feed two kids). This was Cian's favorite a little while ago, but tonight he wasn't eating it. When I got after him about doing so, he says: "Excuse me Mom, but I don't like this!" Chet and I could not help but laugh!!! lol It was great, he was just so serious when he said it!!! :)

*Chet and I was able to feed everyone for only $10!!! Thank you Taco Bell!!! :)

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Shopping with 5 kiddoes!!!

I don't know why, but I love to shop with a bunch of kids!! My cousin called and asked me to watch her kids, she had no one else available. So I said yes, even thought I knew that we were going to be doing some shopping tonight (her kids are 1 and 2). But the thought of having more kids to take excited me!!! I'm not sure why, but to me it's seems like a fun challenge! I don't like to have uncontrollable kiddoes when I go anywhere, it's embarrassing! I want them to behave and I have to admit, they do! Chet and I have tried different methods and finally found one that works for our kiddoes. Shopping is now fun to do with kids and when I get to add more, it adds more excitement to me, weird huh? lol

Kiddie Play

Well my kiddoes are very creative, imaginative, and even some times gross with their play. Today the kiddoes were playing well together while I watched a show. Well I overheard Cian ask, "Iolly, did you go poop, huh baby?" And then Iolly replies, "Ya, I poop." and then I noticed that his hands were down the back of his diaper!!! I freaked out and was like "No! Iolly don't do that!" I then go to grab him so that hopefully he didn't make a mess, but he then pulled his hands out and had a toy car in one hand, laughed and said "My poop!" and laughed some more, along with Cian. I then told them that that was inappropriate play and we don't pretend to EVER play with poop! Please tell me that my kiddoes are not the only ones that do gross play, please!!!

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A little while ago a had a teacher conference with Ezzy's teacher to find out that she was not doing too well in school and that she might have to repeat kindergarten. I don't have a problem with her repeating if necessary, but I have a HUGE problem with the school system. I guess that her teacher noticed that she was falling behind in December because of her speech problem. When she was tested with her speech, she passed, even though her teacher and I both agree that she needed the extra help. But since she passed the test she doesn't get any. So her speech problem has made her fall behind. Anyways, they noticed it in December like I said, but I didn't know about it till March, when we had our teacher conference! So I was really surprised to hear that she was so far behind that they are considering keeping her back. The first conference she was doing excellent and even ahead of her class, so I was very shocked by the news. If her speech was affecting her that much and for that long, why on earth did they not notify me so that I could do more with her??? Her teacher then told me that since there was only 2 months of school left that there wasn't enough time to correct it, that upset me even more! They have this program called, No Child Left Behind, what happened to Ezzy though? To me, she was left behind!
So I took Ezzy to dinner one night so that it was just the two of us and told her what was going on and that she might have to go to kindergarten again next year. Her response saddened me: "That's ok Mommy, the kids at school can't understand me and always say, what, huh, I can't understand you." Isn't that just so sad? I think so. She knows she has a problem and we have been working very hard since then. I also talked to my Aunt Marcia who is a speech therapist and she came to my house this last Monday to test Ezzy herself and see what I could do to help out more. Well before she showed up I did homework with Ezzy and she did amazing!!! I was so impressed with her! When Marcia did her test I told her the improvements I have seen in her and Marcia also noticed that Ezzy was aware of her mistakes and tried to correct herself, she was impressed with that cause I guess a lot of kindergartners do not do that. When she was done she told me what she felt she needed to work on and that she would bring homework for Ezzy to do at home. Ezzy has been making some improvements and I am very proud of her. I just also found out that the school cannot hold your child back if you do not want them too, so I am going to look into that. I really feel that she is capable of going into the first grade, especially now that we are both working on her problem and she is showing difinite improvement. If we continue during the summer time, then I am sure she will be mostly caught up, if not more.

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When my aunt was here to test Ezzy, I asked her to test Iolly too. He has a speech problem like Ezzy. I was hoping that since he spent more time with Cian that he would pick up Cians speech (Cian is very articulate and loves to use big words), but it did not happen. I have such a hard time understanding what Iolly is asking or saying and he gets really frustrated with that. So he has actually started to talk using his hands, kind of like sign language, but his own way. It's nice because I understand more of what he is wanting, but at the same time he isn't trying to talk and learn words, he is showing me. So that has really concerned me.
So when Marcia tested him, she could hardly understand a word he said and also noticed him using his hands to describe what the word is, for example: instead of saying ladder, he used his fingers to walk up the ladder and going, "doot, doot, doot, doot" with every step. He refused to try and say the word. So she told me what letters he should be able to say and he is more at a one year old level (sad huh). She then told me how to work with him to improve his speech. So far Iollan loves his homework and we do it 3 times a day. He is working on his, p, b, and m's. He can do p and b pretty good, but m is rather difficult for him. He says mommy really well, so I never really noticed it, but other words with m he has a hard time. But I am glad that I can work on it now and hopefully not go through the same thing we are with Ezzy.

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Our fat cat Elmo had to go into surgery a little while ago. He was acting strange and I thought that he had maybe gotten hurt somehow, so I called the vet and got an appointment for the following Monday (it was a Saturday and we were getting ready to go to Rigby to celebrate Easter with Chet's family). Well the more Chet and I looked at Elmo the more we realized that he was not doing good at all, so I called back and was able to take him in immediately. When they looked at him they figured out that he needed to have immediate surgery because his bladder was blocked. So we had to leave him there, I was rather sad to hear that. About two hours after we left, they called us to inform us that everything went well and that if we had not brought him in that day that he more and likely would have passed that weekend, he was a very sick kitty, they were amazed that he was still alive! Chet and I were both glad that we decided to take him in that day and not waited like we wanted to. He stayed at the vet from Saturday to Wednesday night and has been recovering really well, I am so happy! I love all my animals!

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Obviously we are still here in Pocatello. Chet applied to a job in Ashton, ID, that would be great to get, but we are not holding our breath this time. I think that we jumped the gun last time, but in all fairness, Chet's boss kind of got our hopes up high by saying very positive stuff, so that did not help us. lol
We have still been slowly packing though, we both feel like we will be moving sometime, just not sure when. So we will hopefully be prepared for it, I've had several friends that have had to move rather sudden, one friend had only a week to do so (now that's crazy)!

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My last post might have shown me to be rather bitter about my sister's news, but I am happy to say that I am doing better. I love my sister and am very happy for her, not only is she expecting a baby, but she is getting married to a wonderful man! I am just so happy for her!!!
Throughout this experience I have been able to grieve for my loss, I realized that I never really let myself do so. I pretty much knew that it was going to happen and then when it did, I kept myself busy, no time for grieving. I even pushed friends away and my husband. I could not and would not let my family see me cry for this baby I lost, I felt like I had to be strong for them and if I cried, I would some how be failing them. I'm not sure why I felt this way, but that's what I did, I kept it all inside. So when I found out about my sister being pregnant, I broke! I completely fell apart! I then turned rather ugly and hurt my sister, I didn't mean to, but I did. We are now on talking terms and I was able to visit with her today, I heard that she was going grocery shopping with my other sister and I told them to bring their kids here, so they did. It was nice to see her and be able to talk to her again, it may have only been for a few days, but it seemed forever to me.
I finally feel ok with things, so this experience, as bad as it was, was a blessing to me too. It helped me to heal more and grieve my loss, something I really needed to do.

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Well, that's our update for now. I really should be better about posting so that I don't have such long updates huh?? lol

Have a good one! :)

Some news that turned me into a major wreck!

So I just found something out and I should be happy, but I'm not! I am so upset and angry that I am actually crying (bawling is more like it!). My little sister, who is not married and who has repeatedly said she does not want more kids, is pregnant. She just informed me via facebook and I could not respond back! It's not fair! Why her, why not me????

I do not wish any ill will towards my sister, I never would. I love my sister, I really do! I'm just frustrated because of my recent miscarriage and what I wanted so bad didn't. I am obviously still not over it, I still get quite angry at times....................


Ok, that was last night right after I found out. I'm not angry about it anymore. I'm a little frustrated and confused , mostly numb actually, but I'm not angry. I chatted via facebook with a good friend and they suggested that I pray for peace. This is one thing that I have not prayed for, I have prayed for acceptance and I know that I have, I have from the very start. But I am not at peace with it, not at all! So that is exactly what I have been doing. My hubby came home last night from doing homework to be with me and right as he walked in, my very good friend called and chatted with me about it. I felt bad, but it was really nice to talk to her. Kendra, thank you so much for calling me back! It was probably better that you called me back and that you didn't answer when I first called, I was a major wreck! You probably wouldn't have been able to understand me at all. I can't wait to see your family, hopefully next month! I'm sorry that I cannot invite you guys to my house anymore, but Tavin's health is more important to me. If we move closer to you guys (fingers crossed) then I will have to rethink my animals.
I have a question, is it selfish of me to request my sister to delete her post on my facebook wall or to delete it myself? She is receiving congrats from everyone else on it, and well, it hurts! That part still does, it's a little reminder of what happened. I don't want to to open up my facebook now because I know that it is there. But I'm not sure how to ask her if I do, I'm honestly thinking of calling my mom and asking her to talk to Erica, I really don't know if I can. I might break down again, just thinking of her makes me cry. I will get over this, I do know that, but I need some time here. I am still grieving, it's only been 2 months and 5 days.
I haven't blogged on here because I've been having some issues lately, lots of frustrations! I've been afraid that people won't like what I post if I let my true feelings out. I'm like that, always worried about what others think, so much that I bottle up and try to detach myself from the world. I wish to be away from everyone and everything, including my own family. But I know that I cannot survive that way, I NEED my family, I LOVE my family!!!
I know that Heavenly Fathers loves me, I do. I may not see what he has in store for me and I may not understand why, but I do know that he is with me always. I know that I have not suffered much like others have, but right now, this is what's hurting me, I'm still trying to heal and I know that the best way to heal is through Heavenly Father and my saviour, Jesus Christ. Through them I can make it through this, I just need to always remember that, that is the hard part. I forget at times and then I start to lose myself, but I am so grateful to have amazing family and friends to help remind me, thank you all so very much! I love each and everyone of you!!!



*** For those that are wondering, yes, we have looked into adoption, but WOW! Were we surprised at how expensive it is! I don't know how anyone affords it. Through this experience I can really feel in some degree the pain of those that cannot have children and try to adopt and find it so expensive that they start to lose hope of having any children at all, my heart goes out to them!

A Talk With Cian's Tummy! :)

So Cian has this thing about his tummy talking to him lately, the other kiddoes do it too sometimes, but Cian is a daily thing. Today I fixed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch and I let them have some marshmallows to go with it. Cian absolutely LOVES marshmallows, so he was excited! He ate all his food right up and then asked for more marshmallows, I told him only 10 more (they are the little ones) and if he was still hungry he needed to eat another half of a sandwich. This is the conversation that followed:

Cian: "Mr. Tummy says he isn't hungry for more sandwich, he only wants more marshmallows, lots of marshmallows!"

Me: "I'm sorry Cian, but I said you can only have 10 more marshmallows and another half of a sandwich if you are still hungry."

Cian: "But Mommy, Mr. Tummy says ONLY more marshmallows and lots of them ONLY!"

Me: "Well (bending down to Cian's level), Mr. Tummy, I am Mommy and I said that Cian needs to eat more sandwich if he is still hungry. Too many marshmallows can make him sick and I don't want him sick, so please listen to me ok"

Cian: "Mr. Tummy says ok Mom. I will eat just 10 marshmallows and no more, ok Mommy. "

Me: "Thank you Cian, that makes me happy when you listen. Love you!" {wink}

Cian: {wink} "Love you too Mommy!"



Kids have such fun imaginations, I just love it!!!

Just another update...or so. :)

Wow, I'm a slacker with this blog any more! But, it's not such a bad thing either. I have recently become more involved in my home and cleaning it better! I have never been the best house keeper, you can ask anyone from the Rexburg area, they know how ugly my house could get. But since moving to Pocatello, I wasn't quite as bad, probably because I had more people coming to my house all the time. But I still wasn't really good either. But I desired a cleaner home and started to pray about it. I prayed so that I would not only have the desire, but the motivation to do so. This took a long while before I really did, probably because I kept putting it off and putting other less important things first. But now I wake up in the morning and I want to start cleaning right away, my desire is great for a clean home and my motivation to keep it at that is greater too! I love it!!! My home has never been cleaner and on a daily basis too! I feel pride in my home and want people to make unexpected visits now, before I cringed at the very thought. The more I clean my home and keep on top of it though, I am finding less time for the computer. But that is ok, because when I do find the time and squeeze it in, I feel that I deserve this break and don't regret being on it like before.
My husband is happier too and less stressed out. It wasn't very nice of me to have him come home and expect him to clean house, not all of it, but a good majority of it. I made excuses up all the time, but the truth was that I had no motivation, no desire, I was LAZY!!! Simple as that. I love my family and my way of showing this love is by providing them with a clean home, Chet provides us with the income. I am so happy that am able and willing to do this now. :)

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We still don't know if we are movingand we are still hoping that Chet gets the job in Oxbow, Oregon. His boss seems to think that he has really good odds, so hopefully! The one in Boise fell through, he didn't realized that the application stated that they need one year of Espresso Machine experience. He had all the other requirements, but he was declined because of that. He wrote them back and verified that that was the reason and it was.
Chet and I are actually going to take a trip to Oxbow this Saturday, I am so excited!!! My mom has been insisting that we take a look at what we are getting ourselves into. I told her that would be nice, but I really don't want to travel that far with the kiddoes, so she offered to take them. So we are going to have 2 days for just us!!!! I'm excited, but nervous too! What if I don't like what I see???? If Chet is offered the job, he cannot decline it. If he does, he will no longer be able to apply to any other position with the company and Chet really wants to stay with Idaho Power, they have been a really good company to work for. Chet was against the idea of taking the trip, but then I convinced him to think of it as a vocation just for the two of us. We get to go for a road trip, sleep in a motel, NO KIDS!!!! He decided that he liked the idea after all! lol :)
Hopefully I remember to take our camera and take lots of pictures and hopefully we will be getting a glimpse of our future home! :)

*If we move there, I am going to be looking into homeschooling, so if anyone knows anything or anyone who could help me out, that would be great!!! Thank you! :)

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Ezzy--Very excited about possibly moving. She has been a wonderful help in getting rid of stuff! We have talked to her about what might be happening and has been a really good sport about letting things go that she really doesn't need anymore. With my cleaning I have been decluttering too, down sizing everything! In Oxbow they have a home for the employees, so we are probably going to take them up on that offer at first. So I have no idea if it's a two bedroom or what, hopefully not smaller. So we are making adjustments for that, just in case. And if we don't move, then my home is just less cluttered! lol Anyhoos, back to Ezzy again. She is still very much in love with school, she is having a hard time this month because their is so many days of no school. Last week Friday was off, this week Friday again, next week Wednesday-Friday, then the following week is spring break, all week off!!! We have discovered a new blogspot, I cannot remember how, but we did. It is called a princess and her hair. It shows how to do fun things with little girls hair. So every morning we have been doing something new with her hair. Ezzy is such a little girly girl! But I have found that I really love doing her hair! It is so much fun, now if only I could learn to do my own! lol This week I learned how to make hearts with her hair, it is so fun, so if you are like me and like to do your little girls hair, you should really check this blogspot out: http://www.princesshairstyles.com/
The one thing I cannot do with her hair and wish that I could, if french braiding. I have tried several times, but my fingers get all lost and it becomes a HUGE mess. The silly thing though, I can french braid my own hair, but not hers! Crazy, I know!
Ezra also likes to wear dresses all the time! Literally! Her pants look new still and she's had them since she started school, I have to let her dress/skirts run out before she will wear pants! We go through nylons/tights like nothing else too though. Just because she dresses like a little lady, doesn't mean she acts like one! She is the first one to go digging in the dirt to collect bugs! She likes to be just as rough and tough as the boys too! At school her best friend is a girl, but the rest of the kiddoes she hangs out with are little boys. When Christmas rolled around and I helped her make little gifts for her friends, she had one girl and 5 boys on her list.
She is learning to keep her room organized now and I love it! I always compliment her when ever I see her putting things up in the right place and when she forgets, i give her a gentle reminder.
She still get sad sometimes about our latest miscarriage, but she has been able to come talk to me and ask me questions about it. I'm glad that I have a relationship with her that she feels she can talk to me about anything. She never hesitates to talk, she just does it. I pray that our relationship can always be that way.
My biggest thing with Ezzy right now is trying to get her to say "Thank you", when she is receiving a compliment. She gets them a lot and her response is, "I know". I have been working hard on this with her, that is not a very appropriate response, I want her to be polite when she gets a compliment.
The other day I asked her if she would do me a favor and she said yes, so I asked her to please stop growing and just be my little Ezzy for a few hundred years. She just laughed at me and then told me "Whatever, I want to grow up!". That little stink, why not?! I miss how little she use to be, she is getting so darn big!!! It's sad, but yet, it is exciting too.
Her lates thing, she has decided that I am no longer mom, mommy, or momma. I am now Mother, she has refered to me as this MOTHER for that last few days now, I really hope that it is just a short little phase she is going through and that I can become MOMMA again (sniff), I really miss that word coming from her!!! :(

Cian--He is still my little lover boy! He still loves to be held by me and wants me to do everything for him. We clashed so much when he was younger, I feared that he would not like me so much, or even love me as well as he does now. He and I have come to much better terms, I love him so very much and wouldn't change anything about him!
He still has some aggressive traits, but he learning to be nicer. He still is very much a leader with kids too and tries to convince them to do things his way when they try to play soemthing different. But instead of pushing/pulling them, or biting them, or hitting/kicking/pinching/slapping/ect.......he now whispers into their ears and tell them to do it that way or else. The" or elses" are not so nice though, we are now working on that. He has threatened to no be their friend, not play with them anymore, or the famous "I don't like you then!". Or he gets frustrated at them and screams! He has the loudest scream ever, so high pitched! I am proud of him though, he is not hurting the other kids like he use to. I have been trying very hard to help him be a team player, this is very exhausting work though! But will be well worth it in the end.
He has decided that he loves to sing and hum, it is so cute! He makes up his own songs though, he does not want to learn any others. His songs are usually repetitive, but has a beat to it.
He has finally decided that Iolly can be a fun person to play with, they have turned into the best of buds lately and it is so cute!!! They hold hands all the time and during rest time they like to play together now and fight me when I say no (they don't rest if I let them stay together). When they play, Cian is usually the Daddy and Iolly is the baby, no matter what they are doing. He even taught Iolly how to pretend cry, wasn't that so nice of him! :)
I fell bad sometimes, because I don't dwell on him growing up so fast like I do with Ezzy or Iolly, but I think that's because he still wants me to do so much for him. He would prefer me to dress him, brush his teeth, put his shoes on, and even feed him (yes, he still asks me too, even though I always tell him no). I hardly ever do these things though because I think that it's important for him to do them, but once in a while I will. He asks me all the time to play with him too, he likes to involve me with everything he does, very much a momma's boy and I love it!!!
Just this last few weeks he has made it through the night with no diaper on, so he graduated from that! He is so proud of himself, he is now a big boy (his words).
He is still my story teller, he tells them all the time, so I have a hard time knowing what is real and what is not. We have talks about this, maybe one day he'll finally understand. I feel bad for not being able to believe him, but he tells stories about everything and anything, even if I saw it. But lately if I stated that I saw, he goes "Oh, I forgot!". Crazy kid, love him to death though!!!
With our recent miscarriage he has become more attached to mommy again. He was doing good and going to people's house to stay the night, he even requested a couple of times. But now he hates the idea and cries if I say anything about staying the night somewhere. I've been trying to talk to him about this weekend, but he doesn't want to hear it. He now doesn't like Grandma or Grandpa, hoping that will stop him from staying the night there. He will probably cry when I leave him, and I will probably too, it breaks my heart to hear any of them cry, especially if it's for me. But Chet and I need sometime for us too and this is a a good opportunity that I don't want to miss out on. Yes, my heart will be aching for you baby boy, but I will be back to hold you!

Iolly--He is the most independent little boy ever!!!! Growing up twice as fast as the others and I hate it!!! He is my baby, can't he stay that way longer?!?! He likes to help me out with everything now, he is my little tag along. If I'm cooking, he pulls a chair up next to me and tries to help me out. If I'm doing laundry, he has to help with that. Whenever I vacuum, he grabs his toy vacuum and waits for me to finish so that he can have a turn too. There is TWO things he does not want to help me out with and that is nap time and potty training! He refuses to nap anymore, it is a huge fight lately! But I have discovered that he cooperates better at bed time if he misses his naps, so I am debating whether or not it's worth the fight. But then there are times he misses his naps and then turns into the biggest bear later on. Not sure what to do with that yet.
He has done pretty good with potty training, he poos every time in the toilet now, haven't had to clean a icky diaper in over 2 weeks now (YEAH!). But he refuses to wear big boy undies, he wears pull ups all the time and changes them when ever he has an accident in them. I have boughten several kinds of undies for him, but he has no interest in wearing them. I've even let him pick them out, but no luck. I just recently hid his pull ups and replaced them with undies. So when I told him to get dressed, he went to find his pull ups. He couldn't find them, so he raided the other kid bins (the kiddoes I watch have their own bins) and found a diaper and proceeded to put it on instead. I was like what! That's not yours! Put your undies on, but he told me no. We fought about it and I eventually won, but I had to bribe him, so did I really win????
He absolutely adores his big brother Cian! He is always trying to play with him and be just like him, they are turning into such great buddies, love it!!!
He likes to draw everyday, so I have used this for rewarding him. Funny story! I was dressing him yesterday and he points his finger at the diaper bins and says fish. When I looked at what he was pointing to, I realized that someone had drawn all over the bins. I asked him if he drew them and he said yes. He drew fish on all 6 bins! I couldn't be mad, he was so proud of what he did and just so cute!!! So I laughed and then told Chet to look at Iolly's drawings and then explained that next time he needs to use paper.
He has some severe dry skin I am still dealing with. I have a prescription for it, but I only have a couple of days left to use it. If it's not gone, we are suppose to try something else. So far, it's still the same. He's not scratching at it though, so his sores are gone. But the dry skin in still there, it is driving me nuts. Hopefully we can get rid of it sometime soon.
He still doesn't like to watch cartoons, he would prefer to watch a mommy or daddy movie. He loves start trek, superman (no cartoon version though), spider man, Mr. Kruger's Christmas (that's on of his favorites), etc. Last night when I was doing laundry he decided to change the dvd himself and put in Far and Away and laid down and watched it. He is very smart and loves to learn new things. He know how to use the dvd player, we do not encourage it, but he still tries when ever he thinks we are not paying attention. He has recently discovered how to use our remote too, he remembers what buttons to push. He's a pretty smart little guy! His other favorite thing to do is to play on the computer! He is always getting on it and opening things up on it, sometimes I don't even know what it is that he opened. lol
He's still my monkey/gymnast boy, he still tries to do flips in the house, but it has decreased thankfully!

Wow, this was suppose to be short updates, but I guess I had a lot to say about my kiddoes! Sorry if it was bore!!! :)


One more thing! lol I just over heard this conversation with my kiddoes:

Ezzy: Mother, can I play with the dinosaurs?
Cian: Ezra! That is not your Mother! That is your Mommy!

LOL Cian is right though! :)

Children's Fork and Spoon Sets Recalled by Peachtree Playthings Due to Choking Hazard; Sold at Dollar Tree and Deals

Children's Fork and Spoon Sets Recalled by Peachtree Playthings Due to Choking Hazard; Sold at Dollar Tree and Deals

Just a quick family update

It's been a while since I've been on here, so I decided to do a quick family update.


CHET: Still working full time reading meters, still does school work every night for 3 hours, and being a hubby and daddy in between. Very, very busy!!! He is also looking else were for a job, he only has a year left with his current one. There is possibility that we will be moving, he has placed some job applications already (Boise, Colorado, and Oregon)

JAMIE: I say very irritable lately, but I'll let Chet get back on this one when he is done with the kiddoes, maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am!

Jamie thinks she is irritable, but I don't think so. She still struggles with her recent miscarriage, which is expected and normal. It doesn't help that there is a great possibility that she will not be able to have anymore children of her own, a hard hit blow to both of us. Regardless, Jamie is still able to watch the kids and work around the house in amazing ability and show us all her love and support for us. She always puts others before herself and She still makes me smile everyday and thank God that I got so luckily blessed with the best wife in the universe.

We just got a new keyboard and she is going to learn to play the piano with the promise I made her in mind that I will get her a real acoustic piano when she has mastered it. She has a need to develop a hobbie and take some time to herself. It is not easy for her to be stuck at home all the time, and still, hard for me to give her time alone because I want to be with her when I am at home. But I am going to try and be better about giving her the time she needs.

She has been thinking a lot about the possibility of moving, and considering the idea of homeschooling. She likes the idea, but is worried about her ability to perform as a teacher. I think she already is a great teacher and would be able to provide the best education our kids would find anywhere.

I am amazed at her overwhelming support to me and our children. She is always there for us and I do not know what our lives would be like without her! We are so blessed and I pray that she will feel that appreciation and love from us always. We LOVE YOU JAMIE!!!

EZZY: Still loves going to school. Tomorrow she gets to celebrate her birthday (she has to do a mid one since she turns 6 just as school starts next year, she is the youngest in her class). So I let her decide how she wanted to decorate her cupcakes and she wanted kittens on them. They turned out so cute!!! I'll have to take pictures of them and put them on here. She is still growing like a weed, she is now to past my elbows. She isn't such a little girl anymore, I sure wish she would stop growing so fast! It is driving me crazy!

CIAN: He has just discovered Star Trek Voyager and loves it!!!! (Thanks to mom and dad) We are so proud of him!!! lol We are learning to get along so much better now. He has also decided that Daddy isn't so bad anymore. If you knew him, you would know that he is the biggest mom ma's boy ever!!! When Ezzy and I started violin lessons, he had to go do things with daddy. This made them get closer to each other and now they have a very good relationship, he is now asking for Daddy to do things with him. This is HUGE!!! I am so happy for this change, it has made a huge difference here! :)

IOLLY: He is growing up so fast, not my little baby boy anymore!!! His independence is driving me nuts, he wants to do everything himself, EVERYTHING!!! He drew a picture on our white board the other day and I was very sad to not have my camera in the house, it was in the van. He drew an actual ladybug!!! Seriously, it had a big circle with dots for the body, some lines coming out of the circle for the legs, a smaller circle scribbled in and attached to the body for the head. I almost got to capture it on my phone, but he whipped it away before I could! I am hoping to get him to do it again on paper, I was so impressed!!! He loves to draw and asks to do it every day, he watched Ezzy draw them just before it was his turn. But he was all by himself when he was drawing, Ezzy was in another room and I had cleaned the board when she got off, so I know that it was him. He could be my little artist!!! He has developed some really dry skin lately, so bad that he scratched sores on his face. I have been trying everything to get rid of it, but nothing seems to help. Hopefully the doctors appointment will have some answers tomorrow. He has also decided to potty train again, woohoo!!! He goes poo in the toilet all the time now, but he still has accidents with peeing sometimes. But that's ok, I 'd rather clean the pee then the poo anytime, don't you agree??? Oh ya, he also loves Star Trek and loves the airplanes (spaceships) on the shows, he is always flying one now and makes all the sounds to go with it (zoooooom, pshew pshew pshew!)

Well this is the update of our family, thanks for reading!!! :)

So I was blessed today, after all the worrying and the praying about the D&C I did not want to have, I had my miscarriage naturally. I won't go into any details, but the OB gave me permission to do so. Everything was going smoothly and there were no signs of it going wrong like last time. I am so grateful, my Heavenly Father listened to my prayers and answered them! I was so scared of the D&C and I was blessed not to have one.
I'm accepting the miscarriage, I have been praying about it for so long, it never did feel right from the very beginning. I know that I am going to have some hard days, but for the most part I feel ok with it, it just wasn't meant to be. I may never know why, but I do know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, he will not forsaken us. It might take a while, but somehow we will have our large family. We are going to go and talk to the adoption agency through our church and see if there is anything for us there, who knows, that might just be what Heavenly Father wants us to do.
Before I had started to spot, I had some strong feelings about adopting, but I was pregnant. I can't start an adoption while being pregnant, but the feeling was very strong. Monday morning when I was getting ready to go see the dr about my possible miscarriage, I had that strong feeling again, it just wouldn't leave me. So on my way there I talked to Chet and asked him how he felt about that, he said that we should look into it right away if we are indeed miscarrying. So that is our plan now. I am saddened about my miscarriage, but there is new hope. We more and likely will not be adopting a new baby, we both feel an older child is what we should look for. Not having a new baby is sad, I just love new borns. But the thought of bringing home another child and giving them a nice home to live in, makes me so excited! There is so many kids out there that so badly need a home, I do not care were they come from, or even if they have some sort of handicap, I will give any child a home if we were asked to. This is my new hope, I feel so strong about it happening. Maybe it won't happen soon, but it will, I have faith.
I want to thank all of my friends and family who have kept me in their thoughts and prayers, they were answered. I am fine, I have been blessed during this time of sorrow. Heavenly Father loves me and did not forget me, he was there the whole time and I love him so much for that. I love you all!!!

D&C IT IS :(

Well, it looks like I'm going to have to go in and get a D&C done. I'm an greater pain this morning and bleeding more, nothing like last time though, thank goodness for that.
Just this morning I broke the news to my little Ezzy, she was asking me about the baby, I could not lie to her and tell her that everything was good. So I told her the truth, she was sad or maybe mad, or perhaps both. I told her that it was ok for her to have those feelings, because Mommy was too. But we need to talk about them, not keep them inside. She then left for school. Now I wonder if I did the right thing by involving my kids with this pregnancy, should I have kept it a secret and only told the adults? But how long would that stay a secret? Isn't the truth for my kids better, or is it going to hurt them? I don't want to cause my kids pain, but at the same time, I can't protect them from everything.
I am scared to death about going in for a D&C, I honestly do not remember much about the last one. Being put under is a scary thought, not to mention the IV. I hate needles!!! Everyone thinks that I am weird, I've had 3 babies and two previous miscarriages. They think that I should be use to needles by now, but I'm not, I still fear them. I hesitate with calling my doctor right now because of this fear, stupid huh!?
I wanted things to turn out differently, but it's not. Now I have to face the facts and do what I do not want to do. I'm so scared right now and frustrated. I want to cry all the time, but I do not. My kids would see me and then they would be scared too, I cannot have that. They need to feel that everything is going to be ok and that Mommy will be seeing them soon. They need my reassurance, I need to be strong for them. I love my kids so very much!!!! I am so blessed to have what I do. I pray that everything goes well and that I will be back home tonight for my kiddoes.

Confused

So we went to the doctor about the possible miscarriage and he had me go get an ultra sound done. When they did the ultra sound, we discovered the baby to be only about 6 weeks along, not the 11 weeks we thought we were, or maybe still are. She did not detect a heart beat, but that could be just because it's barely at 6 weeks, maybe one more week it will. I was shocked by this discovery and cried in the bathroom while I was changing. We had to wait to hear from the doctor though and see what he thought. Is it actually possible that I could really be 5 weeks off? Is there a glimmer of hope in this? Am I a fool to believe so?
When the doctor finally did call, he felt maybe we should go ahead and do the D&C like we had discussed earlier, we do not want a repeat of last time if we can help it. But I asked him if it was at all possible to be 5 weeks off. So together we decided to wait one more week, if there is no heart beat at the next ultra sound, we will then do the D&C, if I do not miscarry before hand. This has brought back some hope, but deep down I am scared. Am I just prolonging this miscarriage? Should I just go ahead with the D&C? I am so very confused right now!
Is a little bit of hope, one I'm not even sure I believe, worth all this? What if because I am indeed miscarrying and it repeats like last time, but I have no one around? I have my sister next door, but what if I pass out before I can call her? There is so many what ifs, it makes me wonder if I really am making the right decision here. I need to ponder and pray about this some more tonight, maybe ask for another blessing for guidance. I just feel really lost right now.
Why is it that I never felt pregnant until just this weekend? I have had no morning sickness at all, then on Friday it hit me. I've felt nauseous and sick all weekend, still do. Why would I feel that way if I was indeed miscarrying, usually I feel just fine when I have. I usually get sick starting around 6-7 weeks into the pregnancy, is that why I started my symptoms this weekend? I honestly don't know what to think anymore! Even a little bit of hope is better than none, right?! Or is it that false hope, could hurt more in the end?!
Writing all this down helps me, so sorry to those of you who do not care to read this, but it does help me out.

Acceptance is the hardest part---but very necessary

So, I'm very sure that I am starting to miscarry again. Last night was the start of it and I bawled all night long. I asked Chet for a blessing, then before we went to bed he said a prayer with me, and then before exhaustion took over, I too said a very short, but much needed prayer from myself. I needed to accept this and I needed the Lord with me. I then feel right to sleep and probably had one of the best nights of sleep ever. I woke up this morning to help Ezzy get ready for school today, we will then be taking the boys to Fran's house and then be going to the doctor. I am hoping that things do not go like last time, hopefully it can be very natural and at home.
I so very much want a baby, but it looks like our timing is off again. I'm not sure why this is happening, sometimes I think I've done something to cause it. I am trying to stay positive with everything, I do not want to get depressed like last time. I couldn't go to church and face all the pregnant ladies and then all the newborns that seemed to surround me every time I turned around. I cried all the time, for a long time. I don't want to go into despair like that, that is why as soon as I discovered I was pregnant again, I had Chet and I pray for acceptance, just in case. I love my Heavenly Father with all my heart, and I don't want to lose sight of that. He is my comforter and I need him with me always. I almost lost him last time because of my struggle, but I promised to never let that happen again. I need my Heavenly Father in my life, I know that with all my heart! I will update this later today. Thank you everyone who has said a prayer for me, I know that they have helped me with this...acceptance. Love you all!!!