D&C IT IS :(

Well, it looks like I'm going to have to go in and get a D&C done. I'm an greater pain this morning and bleeding more, nothing like last time though, thank goodness for that.
Just this morning I broke the news to my little Ezzy, she was asking me about the baby, I could not lie to her and tell her that everything was good. So I told her the truth, she was sad or maybe mad, or perhaps both. I told her that it was ok for her to have those feelings, because Mommy was too. But we need to talk about them, not keep them inside. She then left for school. Now I wonder if I did the right thing by involving my kids with this pregnancy, should I have kept it a secret and only told the adults? But how long would that stay a secret? Isn't the truth for my kids better, or is it going to hurt them? I don't want to cause my kids pain, but at the same time, I can't protect them from everything.
I am scared to death about going in for a D&C, I honestly do not remember much about the last one. Being put under is a scary thought, not to mention the IV. I hate needles!!! Everyone thinks that I am weird, I've had 3 babies and two previous miscarriages. They think that I should be use to needles by now, but I'm not, I still fear them. I hesitate with calling my doctor right now because of this fear, stupid huh!?
I wanted things to turn out differently, but it's not. Now I have to face the facts and do what I do not want to do. I'm so scared right now and frustrated. I want to cry all the time, but I do not. My kids would see me and then they would be scared too, I cannot have that. They need to feel that everything is going to be ok and that Mommy will be seeing them soon. They need my reassurance, I need to be strong for them. I love my kids so very much!!!! I am so blessed to have what I do. I pray that everything goes well and that I will be back home tonight for my kiddoes.