So I was blessed today, after all the worrying and the praying about the D&C I did not want to have, I had my miscarriage naturally. I won't go into any details, but the OB gave me permission to do so. Everything was going smoothly and there were no signs of it going wrong like last time. I am so grateful, my Heavenly Father listened to my prayers and answered them! I was so scared of the D&C and I was blessed not to have one.
I'm accepting the miscarriage, I have been praying about it for so long, it never did feel right from the very beginning. I know that I am going to have some hard days, but for the most part I feel ok with it, it just wasn't meant to be. I may never know why, but I do know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, he will not forsaken us. It might take a while, but somehow we will have our large family. We are going to go and talk to the adoption agency through our church and see if there is anything for us there, who knows, that might just be what Heavenly Father wants us to do.
Before I had started to spot, I had some strong feelings about adopting, but I was pregnant. I can't start an adoption while being pregnant, but the feeling was very strong. Monday morning when I was getting ready to go see the dr about my possible miscarriage, I had that strong feeling again, it just wouldn't leave me. So on my way there I talked to Chet and asked him how he felt about that, he said that we should look into it right away if we are indeed miscarrying. So that is our plan now. I am saddened about my miscarriage, but there is new hope. We more and likely will not be adopting a new baby, we both feel an older child is what we should look for. Not having a new baby is sad, I just love new borns. But the thought of bringing home another child and giving them a nice home to live in, makes me so excited! There is so many kids out there that so badly need a home, I do not care were they come from, or even if they have some sort of handicap, I will give any child a home if we were asked to. This is my new hope, I feel so strong about it happening. Maybe it won't happen soon, but it will, I have faith.
I want to thank all of my friends and family who have kept me in their thoughts and prayers, they were answered. I am fine, I have been blessed during this time of sorrow. Heavenly Father loves me and did not forget me, he was there the whole time and I love him so much for that. I love you all!!!