Trying to see the light!!!

I am having a very stressful time right now and it's really hard not to be so negative. I am very stressed out lately cause I am having a very difficult time being able to keep my house clean, it tends to fall apart so easily. I am having all day sickness anymore, it use to just be night time, but the last few weeks it's progressed into all day. Food is not appealing at all and lately my diet has been roman noodles, that's it. I try and eat anything else and I get a very upset stomach. Water is about all I can drink too, once in a while a sprite. Any kind of juice gives me a nasty heart burn and I am not able to have any kind of dairy when I am prego, makes me soooo sick!
On top of this I have started to already have really bad braxton hecks contractions and severe round ligament pain, along with some back pain too. This pregnancy is literally kicking my butt!
I also have sick boy at the moment who has a pretty bad cold (again) and it caused him to throw up during the night. Iolly always gets colds and they hit him during the night. So lack of sleep with all of this is wearing me down even more. So physically I am exhausted any more.
Emotionally I am draining too. My Grandpa Williams is not doing so well and the family has decided to leave him with hospice care. I totally agree with this decision, but at the same time it is so hard. I love my Grandpa so much and will miss him. They do not think he will last much longer, if we are lucky, he will get to spend one last Holiday with us, I hope so.
I then also found out that a friend I went to high school with commited suicide and her family discovered her body yesterday. My heart aches for them and reminds me of last year, my cousin had an accidental overdose the week before Thanksgiving, she left behind 5 kids. So this holiday has been hard the last 2 years.
I've also been struggling with a dilemma on staying in the nursery at church or asking to be released. I have always dreamed of working in the nursery and now I am finally there! But the timing is just so wrong! Iolly is in there with me and he gives me a lot of problems. He doesn't want me to do anything with any of the other kiddoes, wants me to hold him even though I can't, doesn't listen to anyone and climbs all over me if I sit down. He is super naughty when I am in there with him. The last time I was in there he climbed on my back during lesson time and he hurt my back pretty bad.
Doing the activities with the kiddoes is hard too though. With feeling sick and my tummy hurting it's pretty rough. You have to be active when you have about 14 kiddoes under 3. I find it easy to make an excuse not to go to church rather than going cause I am starting to "dread" going there.
With that being said, I am going to be going to my bishop and let him know what is going on. He is also my dr, so maybe I will tell him at my next appointment, which ever comes first. This will be very hard for me, but I also feel it's the right thing to do.
So with all of this negativity written down, perhaps I can try and come up with some positive ones and see if that will help me out any. Instead of dwelling just on the negatives, I can start seeing the positives too, maybe that'll boost my mood, that's the idea anyways!

HAPPY THOUGHTS:

I am excited to help Ezra's class out with their Thanksgiving lunch buffet. They are doing finger foods and I signed up to do fun little turkey sandwiches (they will actually look like little turkeys). Chet has agreed to help out with it this weekend, I need to prep enough to make 100 mini ones. I have found a new love with being crafty with food!

I am soooo excited to be adding another member to this family, we just can't wait till he/she gets here!!!

It's Christmas season, my most favorite time of the year. I am hoping that I budgeted enough to be able to help 3 other kids with Christmas this year. I have made it a goal to try and help at least one since I can remember. Last year I actually helped my sister out, she was having some difficulties and I had the money. So it made it a little bit more special when it was someone I knew. This year things look good for her, so I am hoping to be able pick 3 kids out this year and have my kids help pick the stuff out for them. I've been talking to them and preparing them for it. We have a limit on what we get them for Christmas just for this reason. I am hoping that they will learn to give more than wanting. I also have them take turns shopping for the Toys for Tots boxes. I also can't wait till they get the bell ringers out and start collecting donations to help other families out. This is the one time of the year I always carry cash on me, just so I can give them my change when I leave, that has always been a favorite part of Christmas time for me since I was little!

Of course since it's Christmas time that means snow should be coming around the corner soon! I just love snow!!! I miss being in Rexburg cause Pocatello doesn't get enough of it.

I also love the magic of Santa and sharing it with my kids!! This season is just so magical to me!!!

I love my kiddoes, they mean everything to me! I love how big Ezzy is getting and what a great helper she is! Cian loves to do things to please me and hates seeing me sick, still very much a momma's boy! And Iolly is getting so big too, and even though he is a huge Daddy's boy, he prefers me when he is sick. I don't know why, but that comforts me. ;)

I love being the one taking care of my nieces and nephews, I really do love my job! They have a lot of fun being able to play with each other and are such great friends. I am so glad they get to bond like this and I hope that as they get older they will stay close.

I really do like having a clean house and I miss it. Maybe instead of focusing on the whole thing, I should focus on a small part and do a little bit at a time. Sometimes when I think about cleaning I get too caught up with thinking it all has to get done. So I should just start small and go from there, that sounds like a good plan.

My birthday is coming up next month!!! I might be getting older, but I still love celebrating it!!! I am hoping that Chet let's me find a senior or two to buy Christmas presents for this year, that is what I want to do for my birthday. He can still take me out for dinner, but the best gift would be letting me give to someone else, I really enjoy doing stuff like that.

After Thanksgiving every year I paint my Grandma's window and the last 2 years Ezzy has done her own too. I am so excited to do it again this year, it will be a very simple one I think, but it'll still be fun! This has been a tradition since I was probably about 10 or so, can't remember when I started. But I do remember that I started it with my big sister Jennifer. She always had the more crazy and fun ideas to do, I miss that.

Well, I think this is helping out a lot, I am actually starting to feel a bit better and wanted do things, even if it's just accomplishing something small. As much as I am dreading a part of this season, I am really looking forward to it too!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!