Some news that turned me into a major wreck!

So I just found something out and I should be happy, but I'm not! I am so upset and angry that I am actually crying (bawling is more like it!). My little sister, who is not married and who has repeatedly said she does not want more kids, is pregnant. She just informed me via facebook and I could not respond back! It's not fair! Why her, why not me????

I do not wish any ill will towards my sister, I never would. I love my sister, I really do! I'm just frustrated because of my recent miscarriage and what I wanted so bad didn't. I am obviously still not over it, I still get quite angry at times....................


Ok, that was last night right after I found out. I'm not angry about it anymore. I'm a little frustrated and confused , mostly numb actually, but I'm not angry. I chatted via facebook with a good friend and they suggested that I pray for peace. This is one thing that I have not prayed for, I have prayed for acceptance and I know that I have, I have from the very start. But I am not at peace with it, not at all! So that is exactly what I have been doing. My hubby came home last night from doing homework to be with me and right as he walked in, my very good friend called and chatted with me about it. I felt bad, but it was really nice to talk to her. Kendra, thank you so much for calling me back! It was probably better that you called me back and that you didn't answer when I first called, I was a major wreck! You probably wouldn't have been able to understand me at all. I can't wait to see your family, hopefully next month! I'm sorry that I cannot invite you guys to my house anymore, but Tavin's health is more important to me. If we move closer to you guys (fingers crossed) then I will have to rethink my animals.
I have a question, is it selfish of me to request my sister to delete her post on my facebook wall or to delete it myself? She is receiving congrats from everyone else on it, and well, it hurts! That part still does, it's a little reminder of what happened. I don't want to to open up my facebook now because I know that it is there. But I'm not sure how to ask her if I do, I'm honestly thinking of calling my mom and asking her to talk to Erica, I really don't know if I can. I might break down again, just thinking of her makes me cry. I will get over this, I do know that, but I need some time here. I am still grieving, it's only been 2 months and 5 days.
I haven't blogged on here because I've been having some issues lately, lots of frustrations! I've been afraid that people won't like what I post if I let my true feelings out. I'm like that, always worried about what others think, so much that I bottle up and try to detach myself from the world. I wish to be away from everyone and everything, including my own family. But I know that I cannot survive that way, I NEED my family, I LOVE my family!!!
I know that Heavenly Fathers loves me, I do. I may not see what he has in store for me and I may not understand why, but I do know that he is with me always. I know that I have not suffered much like others have, but right now, this is what's hurting me, I'm still trying to heal and I know that the best way to heal is through Heavenly Father and my saviour, Jesus Christ. Through them I can make it through this, I just need to always remember that, that is the hard part. I forget at times and then I start to lose myself, but I am so grateful to have amazing family and friends to help remind me, thank you all so very much! I love each and everyone of you!!!



*** For those that are wondering, yes, we have looked into adoption, but WOW! Were we surprised at how expensive it is! I don't know how anyone affords it. Through this experience I can really feel in some degree the pain of those that cannot have children and try to adopt and find it so expensive that they start to lose hope of having any children at all, my heart goes out to them!