Just a quick family update

It's been a while since I've been on here, so I decided to do a quick family update.


CHET: Still working full time reading meters, still does school work every night for 3 hours, and being a hubby and daddy in between. Very, very busy!!! He is also looking else were for a job, he only has a year left with his current one. There is possibility that we will be moving, he has placed some job applications already (Boise, Colorado, and Oregon)

JAMIE: I say very irritable lately, but I'll let Chet get back on this one when he is done with the kiddoes, maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am!

Jamie thinks she is irritable, but I don't think so. She still struggles with her recent miscarriage, which is expected and normal. It doesn't help that there is a great possibility that she will not be able to have anymore children of her own, a hard hit blow to both of us. Regardless, Jamie is still able to watch the kids and work around the house in amazing ability and show us all her love and support for us. She always puts others before herself and She still makes me smile everyday and thank God that I got so luckily blessed with the best wife in the universe.

We just got a new keyboard and she is going to learn to play the piano with the promise I made her in mind that I will get her a real acoustic piano when she has mastered it. She has a need to develop a hobbie and take some time to herself. It is not easy for her to be stuck at home all the time, and still, hard for me to give her time alone because I want to be with her when I am at home. But I am going to try and be better about giving her the time she needs.

She has been thinking a lot about the possibility of moving, and considering the idea of homeschooling. She likes the idea, but is worried about her ability to perform as a teacher. I think she already is a great teacher and would be able to provide the best education our kids would find anywhere.

I am amazed at her overwhelming support to me and our children. She is always there for us and I do not know what our lives would be like without her! We are so blessed and I pray that she will feel that appreciation and love from us always. We LOVE YOU JAMIE!!!

EZZY: Still loves going to school. Tomorrow she gets to celebrate her birthday (she has to do a mid one since she turns 6 just as school starts next year, she is the youngest in her class). So I let her decide how she wanted to decorate her cupcakes and she wanted kittens on them. They turned out so cute!!! I'll have to take pictures of them and put them on here. She is still growing like a weed, she is now to past my elbows. She isn't such a little girl anymore, I sure wish she would stop growing so fast! It is driving me crazy!

CIAN: He has just discovered Star Trek Voyager and loves it!!!! (Thanks to mom and dad) We are so proud of him!!! lol We are learning to get along so much better now. He has also decided that Daddy isn't so bad anymore. If you knew him, you would know that he is the biggest mom ma's boy ever!!! When Ezzy and I started violin lessons, he had to go do things with daddy. This made them get closer to each other and now they have a very good relationship, he is now asking for Daddy to do things with him. This is HUGE!!! I am so happy for this change, it has made a huge difference here! :)

IOLLY: He is growing up so fast, not my little baby boy anymore!!! His independence is driving me nuts, he wants to do everything himself, EVERYTHING!!! He drew a picture on our white board the other day and I was very sad to not have my camera in the house, it was in the van. He drew an actual ladybug!!! Seriously, it had a big circle with dots for the body, some lines coming out of the circle for the legs, a smaller circle scribbled in and attached to the body for the head. I almost got to capture it on my phone, but he whipped it away before I could! I am hoping to get him to do it again on paper, I was so impressed!!! He loves to draw and asks to do it every day, he watched Ezzy draw them just before it was his turn. But he was all by himself when he was drawing, Ezzy was in another room and I had cleaned the board when she got off, so I know that it was him. He could be my little artist!!! He has developed some really dry skin lately, so bad that he scratched sores on his face. I have been trying everything to get rid of it, but nothing seems to help. Hopefully the doctors appointment will have some answers tomorrow. He has also decided to potty train again, woohoo!!! He goes poo in the toilet all the time now, but he still has accidents with peeing sometimes. But that's ok, I 'd rather clean the pee then the poo anytime, don't you agree??? Oh ya, he also loves Star Trek and loves the airplanes (spaceships) on the shows, he is always flying one now and makes all the sounds to go with it (zoooooom, pshew pshew pshew!)

Well this is the update of our family, thanks for reading!!! :)

So I was blessed today, after all the worrying and the praying about the D&C I did not want to have, I had my miscarriage naturally. I won't go into any details, but the OB gave me permission to do so. Everything was going smoothly and there were no signs of it going wrong like last time. I am so grateful, my Heavenly Father listened to my prayers and answered them! I was so scared of the D&C and I was blessed not to have one.
I'm accepting the miscarriage, I have been praying about it for so long, it never did feel right from the very beginning. I know that I am going to have some hard days, but for the most part I feel ok with it, it just wasn't meant to be. I may never know why, but I do know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, he will not forsaken us. It might take a while, but somehow we will have our large family. We are going to go and talk to the adoption agency through our church and see if there is anything for us there, who knows, that might just be what Heavenly Father wants us to do.
Before I had started to spot, I had some strong feelings about adopting, but I was pregnant. I can't start an adoption while being pregnant, but the feeling was very strong. Monday morning when I was getting ready to go see the dr about my possible miscarriage, I had that strong feeling again, it just wouldn't leave me. So on my way there I talked to Chet and asked him how he felt about that, he said that we should look into it right away if we are indeed miscarrying. So that is our plan now. I am saddened about my miscarriage, but there is new hope. We more and likely will not be adopting a new baby, we both feel an older child is what we should look for. Not having a new baby is sad, I just love new borns. But the thought of bringing home another child and giving them a nice home to live in, makes me so excited! There is so many kids out there that so badly need a home, I do not care were they come from, or even if they have some sort of handicap, I will give any child a home if we were asked to. This is my new hope, I feel so strong about it happening. Maybe it won't happen soon, but it will, I have faith.
I want to thank all of my friends and family who have kept me in their thoughts and prayers, they were answered. I am fine, I have been blessed during this time of sorrow. Heavenly Father loves me and did not forget me, he was there the whole time and I love him so much for that. I love you all!!!

D&C IT IS :(

Well, it looks like I'm going to have to go in and get a D&C done. I'm an greater pain this morning and bleeding more, nothing like last time though, thank goodness for that.
Just this morning I broke the news to my little Ezzy, she was asking me about the baby, I could not lie to her and tell her that everything was good. So I told her the truth, she was sad or maybe mad, or perhaps both. I told her that it was ok for her to have those feelings, because Mommy was too. But we need to talk about them, not keep them inside. She then left for school. Now I wonder if I did the right thing by involving my kids with this pregnancy, should I have kept it a secret and only told the adults? But how long would that stay a secret? Isn't the truth for my kids better, or is it going to hurt them? I don't want to cause my kids pain, but at the same time, I can't protect them from everything.
I am scared to death about going in for a D&C, I honestly do not remember much about the last one. Being put under is a scary thought, not to mention the IV. I hate needles!!! Everyone thinks that I am weird, I've had 3 babies and two previous miscarriages. They think that I should be use to needles by now, but I'm not, I still fear them. I hesitate with calling my doctor right now because of this fear, stupid huh!?
I wanted things to turn out differently, but it's not. Now I have to face the facts and do what I do not want to do. I'm so scared right now and frustrated. I want to cry all the time, but I do not. My kids would see me and then they would be scared too, I cannot have that. They need to feel that everything is going to be ok and that Mommy will be seeing them soon. They need my reassurance, I need to be strong for them. I love my kids so very much!!!! I am so blessed to have what I do. I pray that everything goes well and that I will be back home tonight for my kiddoes.

Confused

So we went to the doctor about the possible miscarriage and he had me go get an ultra sound done. When they did the ultra sound, we discovered the baby to be only about 6 weeks along, not the 11 weeks we thought we were, or maybe still are. She did not detect a heart beat, but that could be just because it's barely at 6 weeks, maybe one more week it will. I was shocked by this discovery and cried in the bathroom while I was changing. We had to wait to hear from the doctor though and see what he thought. Is it actually possible that I could really be 5 weeks off? Is there a glimmer of hope in this? Am I a fool to believe so?
When the doctor finally did call, he felt maybe we should go ahead and do the D&C like we had discussed earlier, we do not want a repeat of last time if we can help it. But I asked him if it was at all possible to be 5 weeks off. So together we decided to wait one more week, if there is no heart beat at the next ultra sound, we will then do the D&C, if I do not miscarry before hand. This has brought back some hope, but deep down I am scared. Am I just prolonging this miscarriage? Should I just go ahead with the D&C? I am so very confused right now!
Is a little bit of hope, one I'm not even sure I believe, worth all this? What if because I am indeed miscarrying and it repeats like last time, but I have no one around? I have my sister next door, but what if I pass out before I can call her? There is so many what ifs, it makes me wonder if I really am making the right decision here. I need to ponder and pray about this some more tonight, maybe ask for another blessing for guidance. I just feel really lost right now.
Why is it that I never felt pregnant until just this weekend? I have had no morning sickness at all, then on Friday it hit me. I've felt nauseous and sick all weekend, still do. Why would I feel that way if I was indeed miscarrying, usually I feel just fine when I have. I usually get sick starting around 6-7 weeks into the pregnancy, is that why I started my symptoms this weekend? I honestly don't know what to think anymore! Even a little bit of hope is better than none, right?! Or is it that false hope, could hurt more in the end?!
Writing all this down helps me, so sorry to those of you who do not care to read this, but it does help me out.

Acceptance is the hardest part---but very necessary

So, I'm very sure that I am starting to miscarry again. Last night was the start of it and I bawled all night long. I asked Chet for a blessing, then before we went to bed he said a prayer with me, and then before exhaustion took over, I too said a very short, but much needed prayer from myself. I needed to accept this and I needed the Lord with me. I then feel right to sleep and probably had one of the best nights of sleep ever. I woke up this morning to help Ezzy get ready for school today, we will then be taking the boys to Fran's house and then be going to the doctor. I am hoping that things do not go like last time, hopefully it can be very natural and at home.
I so very much want a baby, but it looks like our timing is off again. I'm not sure why this is happening, sometimes I think I've done something to cause it. I am trying to stay positive with everything, I do not want to get depressed like last time. I couldn't go to church and face all the pregnant ladies and then all the newborns that seemed to surround me every time I turned around. I cried all the time, for a long time. I don't want to go into despair like that, that is why as soon as I discovered I was pregnant again, I had Chet and I pray for acceptance, just in case. I love my Heavenly Father with all my heart, and I don't want to lose sight of that. He is my comforter and I need him with me always. I almost lost him last time because of my struggle, but I promised to never let that happen again. I need my Heavenly Father in my life, I know that with all my heart! I will update this later today. Thank you everyone who has said a prayer for me, I know that they have helped me with this...acceptance. Love you all!!!

Kids Say/Do the Darnest Things!! :)

Cian was taking a bath with Iollan this morning, so I thought it was the perfect opportunity to clean the bathroom. While I was doing that, Cian kept having his little toy, Mr. Walrus, say, "Mommy I love you and you are beautiful!!!" "Awe, thank you Mr. Walrus!" He repeated that several times and so one time I decided to do it back to Cian. "I love you too Cian and you are so handsome."
"What?! I am? Oh, ya, I am. Thanks Mom!" lol

As I wrote this I realized I write a lot about Cian and the things that he says. Well, what happened to Ezzy and Iolly, don't I have anything good to write about them. Of course I do, so why don't I share them like Cian? Not sure, but here are some of them too:

Iolly is my little gymnast boy! He loves to run and then all of a sudden do a summersalt/flip. He will even jump of my couch and do one when he thinks he can get away with it.
His latest moves really makes me cringe. We don't have coat closet, so we bought a coat hanger rack for our front room, it is by our couch. Well, he likes to jump off our couch and swing on the bars, I'm afraid he will hurt himself one day, but so far he's been lucky.
Yesterday morning he did something worth taking a picture, but do you think I had a camera around? No!!! Of course not! He had found some of Ezzy's pink leggins and put them on all by himself and did a great job actually. lol It was funny to see my little boy is pink tights though, he thought that he was pretty neat.

Ezzy does not like to be embarrassed, it makes her sad, she is like me in that way. Tuesday night is just girls night, we do our violin lessons together and then we get to go to dinner afterwards. Well the last time we went to the dollar store too to gather stuff up to make Valentine gifts for her classmates and teachers. While we were waiting in line to check out, she was holding on to some of the stuff we were getting. She got tired of holding it and went to put it into our basket, but accidentally put it into the ladies basket that was checking out. I was like, "Oops Ezzy, wrong basket." And took them out. She was so embarrassed and hid from everyone! I think she almost started to cry too, she looked like it anyways. Everyone thought that it was funny and cute, but not her. Poor girl, I would really like to try and figure something out so that she doesn't feel so bad when she gets embarrassed. I hated that when I was a kid, I cried so easily, still do.

Confessions of a 4 year old? (Pretty funny actually)

So the other night we went to Walmart to do some shopping. Chet and I split up so that we could be a little faster, the kids were rather cranky. Anyways, Cian went with me and when we were done with our part I told him that we were done and that we should go look for Daddy, this is our conversation:
Me-"Let's go find Daddy now Cian"
Cian-"I don't want to."
Me-"Why not?"
Cian- "I don't like him."
Me-"What?! Why don't you like Daddy?"
Cian-"Because he is icky."
Me-"He's icky, why is Daddy icky?"
Cian-"Because he has hair in his nose!"
Me-"LOL, let's go find Daddy you silly boy."

I couldn't wait to find Chet and share this new insight with him, I did not know what to say to that, funny kid.