A Bad Day?

So, I'm having a bad day today.  I just recently started watching 2 more kids, they are the youngest yet (oldest one is almost 2 and the youngest is 9 months).  It's a challenge having a little baby in the house again.  I've forgotten how much time they need and how needy they are.  I really enjoy having her, just not use to it.  So while trying to get use to a baby again, I'm also trying to figure out my schedule to take care of 10-12 kids.  I'm a wreck lately and I don't know if I'm really up to it like I thought.  I've been so stressed the last couple of days.  I've also been dealing with allergies, they've been kicking my butt since I've moved back to Pocatello, I hate it!  As most already now, we've also been trying for another baby since our miscarriage and I really thought that this month we did it, but negative again.  so I've been dealing with those feelings as well.  I've got so much going on that I feel like my world is collapsing around me.  I'm not as patient and tolerant with the kids as I know I should be.  Who am I anymore?  I really don't know.  

I love being able to stay at home with my kids and being with them.  I really love that I get to watch my nieces and nephews, and cousins, too.  I'm grateful to be able to provide this service to my family.  But can I do it?  Am I really able and up to the challenge?  I want to be, with all my heart I want to be.

One of my biggest problems is praying and scripture reading.  When I do these things, I LOVE who I am!  But when I slip and stop doing those things, I become lost.  That's were I am now, lost!  I know what I need to do, it is so clear now.  

Prayer and scriptures are a daily struggle for me, I don't know why, but they are.  I love the gospel with all my heart, I know that I'm suppose to be doing them, but I just keep getting caught up with other stuff.  I need to make it mandatory for me to do these things, I need them everyday.  I know that I also need to get to the Temple soon, Chet and I have been bad about that lately.  We NEED to make a goal to go there and just do it, so that's what I'm going to tell Chet tonight.  We need this so much, I know that it'll help both of us out.  Why is it so hard to do the things you want to do, but it's so easy to do the things that you don't want to do?  

I know that I did some venting on here, but I did some discovering too.  Thank you for hearing/reading me out, but now I know what I need to do.  Now, to get my scriptures out...........